Last week, I had my niece and nephew staying with us. My nephew is 8 and energetic. He came with the following information "He's kind of allergic to sugar and caffeine." Later in the week, my husband said to me, "You know, I never saw sugar hit a kid so quickly."
While I let them load up on sugary sweets, I still had the willpower to say no to soda and energy drinks.
Let me get back to my original point. My nephew is no angel, but he's a lovable kid. He's an 8 year old boy. But twice I observed adult interactions - or should I say "non-interactions" with strangers that involved him. The first was at the children's museum, which was an absolute blast. We went to the scheduled Meet the Animals activity, where they got to pet a reptile of some sorts. There were probably 15 kids there. Some sitting patiently and quietly, and others, like my nephew, much more absorbed in the raccoon and bobcat windows. He and a few others walked around during most of the demonstration, not really interested in what the animal lady had to say. They stopped only when the reptile (a skink?) was allowed to walk around on the floor and when they were allowed to pet it. As the show was over, my nephew was moving about and squeezed past a lady who was sitting on one of the steps of the observation windows. She said this, "It would be nice if some kids would say Excuse Me." Maybe (probably) she was saying it loud enough for my nephew's adult (me) to hear. Maybe she was saying it for my nephew.
Fast Forward: Cabela's Store. My nephew is standing directly between two cash registers because this kept him more than an arm's length from the crazy junk they have for impulse buys. A woman with a cart came from the opposite direction (god only knows why) and complains to her husband, "I would go but this kid is in my way." She maneuvered around my nephew and was huffy. Had she just talked directly to him, he (probably) would have moved.
These situations both exemplify a common problem: our reluctance to talk to children. My nephew's too young to take an indirect hint. However, he is old enough to understand a directive. If you want an 8 year old to move, you just say "Excuse me." If you are upset that an 8 year old boy is squeezing behind you, there's no reason why an adult can't say "Please say excuse me if you would like to move."
Or these situations exemplify a deeper problem: Our reluctance and fear to stick our necks out and reprimand children (gently, I'm not talking about a screaming match with some stranger's kids) or interact with them. If you keep up on the education news, you'll hear a lot about an abdication of power by parents. Parents who don't reprimand or would rather allow the schools to do it. But there's been an abdication of power by our whole society. People are afraid to say, "Hey, cut it out."
I think, for males, there might be a fear that they'll be seen as some leering sick-o. Women, I think, might fear they'll come off as a b*tch or that they have no right to infringe on another mother's parenting skills.
I've been a perpetrator in this silent acceptance of misbehavior, too. Lots of times. But I also think that, as a teacher, I've learned that I have a responsibility and right to ask children for order and behavior.
But I still feel that same hesitation... That same fear...
The question is what is it that we fear? Some stranger's disapproval? That the kid might not comply? That the kid might say no or be a jerk back? Should those things matter?
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